Love and work are said to be the cornerstones of being human and both are very important for happiness. Yet juggling the demands of each can be difficult. Like many things there is no one right way or magic formula. Our work and family circumstances vary enormously. We have to find what works for us at any given time - recognising the need to be flexible as personal, family and work needs vary and change.
There are four processes we can work through, which can help us evaluate ourselves and our lives and make changes:
Ø Clarifying values
Ø Setting realistic goals and expectations
Ø Setting priorities and managing time
Ø Letting go and understanding control
Clarifying Values
Values guide our actions and are usually the result of our life experiences. Clarifying our values is one key to managing work and family demands. Most of us know some of our values, but sometimes important values remain unconscious or unknown. Often, we don't question or even acknowledge many of the values we hold until we assume new roles or experience conflict. The values we hold but are not aware of can often contribute to our feelings of stress; we can understand and ease this stress by becoming more aware of our values.
Setting Realistic Goals and Expectations
Goals are important in our lives and help us define how we use our time. Our values underlie our goals and give us the "push" to move toward achieving those goals. The values underlying these two goal statements might include a high regard for achievement and education. Goals may be either concrete or relational. To ease role strain we can choose to put some goals on hold, let go of some, and modify others. Perceptions, attitudes and expectations are also important in understanding and addressing work-family issues. Expectations, perceptions and attitudes often take the form of assumptions about the way things ought to be done or the way we expect people to behave. These usually come from our values and may be harder to identify than our goals.
Setting Priorities and Managing Time
Setting priorities is central to effective time management. Managing work and a household, finding time for family activities and friendships, and having time just for us is no easy task with multiple responsibilities and roles.
Even when we are efficient in using our time, we may not be effective—we "do things right" but we don't do the right things. Goals that focus on the development of people—our relational goals—may be harder to have master activity plans for because they are day-to-day processes that are harder to identify and schedule.
Letting Go and Understanding Control
The last area to think about is what it means to be in control. Many times we feel we have more control if we do everything ourselves. However, this can keep us from reaching our real goals. Think about delegating or dividing work to accomplish priority needs and wants. As we think about change in this area, or act differently, we may encounter unknown values or unexpected perceptions or expectations about how work should get done, and what work should get done. Understanding the emotional satisfaction we get from performing certain tasks, and the power attached to some responsibilities, are important aspects of effectively delegating or dividing tasks.
Planning and communication are central to all change. Here are some other ideas to help balance work and family:
ü Hold family meetings.
ü Keep weekly or monthly schedules that schedule time for both concrete and relational goals.
ü Remember that effective management is not a static event but a continually evolving process.
ü Be willing to revise plans when they don't work or changes need to be made.
ü Understand what we can control and what we can't.
ü Keep a sense of humour.
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